"I am a ______."

Here it is :)!

Anna Sukhova

Mrs. Guerard

Period 2

8/20/12

 "I am a ______."

Upon musing on what I am and producing absolutely nothing that could possibly depict me. Grasping at a needle in a haystack became frustrating so instead I came upon the realization that while I may be a lot of things,  but I am often incorrectly accused of one thing in particular. Being a perfectionist. I am not a perfectionist. Society has taken the liberty of naming me as such due to my tendencies to please. It is a very unfortunate observation, as no one sees the entirety of my personality. I will admit that my efforts, under all circumstances, are focused on bringing joy to any individual who has requested anything from me. That simple fact does not dictate my entire being, I am not obsessed, or remotely attracted to the idea of making anything perfect, for myself.  I do not strive to make my bed perfectly neat the morning, nor do I make it all on any morning. I do not have neat arrangements of any kind, not books or clothes. The only time I strive to make a perfect conclusion to anything is when it is for someone else.

I have been raised as a Christian my entire life. Constantly being encouraged to serve everyone as if you were serving the Lord Himself. Of course by encourage in a Russian family the encouragement is more distinctly a "do or die" situation, thus making the choice of behavior incredibly easy. There was never a standard for how one did things for themselves, that is where the perfectionism would shine through, if I was indeed a perfectionist. By definition a perfectionist would do everything perfectly, even tasks that are done for oneself. There would be no rest until everything is done precisely. Though the question has bounced around in my brain as to how one can be a perfectionist when every person has a unique point of view, and the definition of perfection varies.

However snobbish the term "perfectionist" may sound there are worse words that can be used to label myself such as, "try-hard" or perhaps "compulsive". Despite the negative connotation that rings off the word "perfectionist", the two competitors are much more negative. Being a "try-hard" is attempting to achieve a particular, and personal, choice of image, despite of its accuracy. Trying so hard to be something that one is not, does not have an appealing ring to it. It is also not often appealing to the persons around you to live a lie, instead of just owning the personality that truly belongs to you. Being "compulsive" simply means you cannot help yourself even if you tried. Not having the ability to rest until everything is "perfect". "Perfectionist" lies playfully in the middle, while being something you can help it is also something that you already are, not an imaginary image.

When I was first exposed to my label I was was hurt, but over the past years I have grown to learn my true personality and not be bothered by what the rest of the world perceives me to be. There is only growth to be gained from criticism. In attempts to drop the nickname I have proceeded to not share the extensive lengths I go to, or have gone to, in order to complete a task the best way possible.

No matter what one may call me, I am to remain myself, nothing less but hopefully one day something more. I will continue to please the requests for others. Society can categorize anyone and anything, but that is a mere label that can change from one sunrise to the next.